If I Kill Myself
by DarkDefender89
Summary: Edward refuses to change Bella.So Bella threatens to kill herself. rated M for attempted-suicide that isn't really suicide. Wht will Jacob do? Wht will the Pack do? Is Jacob a murderer or a friend? E/B Jaccob/...WHO? R & R plz...if you want ch.8,tht is!
1. Bella's Plan

**If** **I Kill Myself**

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1.

Edward and Bella were lying down in their meadow, staring at the pale blue sky.

"Please, Edward, please change me. Please. You won't love me anymore when I'm old and wrinkly. And when I'm dead, I'll be gone out of your life, forever," Bella begged.

"No. I can't Bella; I'm not going to take away your mortality," Edward said.

"Why not? I want to be with you forever. I love you, Edward, more than life itself. I need you…" Bella said, her body trembling. Edward wrapped his cool arms around Bella.

"I love you, Bella. That's not ever going to change," Edward said. Bella tightened her grip on Edward's cold body and buried her head under Edward's chin. She literally _needed_ to be close to him.

There is this attraction between them – this animalistic need that drives them, plummets down far into the depths of their souls, and in this endless abyss they are souring. Their souls are bloody, captured, bruised – bound together, for an eternity, if the world could allow it. There is this immaterial chemistry that has nothing to do with atoms and molecules. There is this passion that drives them to all four corners of the universe, and if they are not touching, they will die. Lying on the grass, staring up at the pale blue sky, thinking about the ocean. It's simple, really. It has nothing to do with their bodies. Her hair doesn't matter. His muscles – her muscles, for that matter – don't matter. It's the eyes. There is this portal that opened up for them and only them, and it's as if the entire universe has stopped for them. There's some reason – or many reasons – they shouldn't be together…the forces of nature should be driven to work against them, but for some unexplainable reason, it doesn't. Their relationship is forbidden, or unnatural, or forbidden. They don't care, because they need each other. The only thing in the world they care about is to protect each other and love each other. They defy all odds.

Bella lifted her chin and placed her luke-warm lips on Edward's freezing, pale pink lips. Slowly, she kissed Edward, and passion rose in their veins. Almost as soon as the kiss started, Edward broke away.

"Please change me," Bella whispered. "Please. Do it now."

"No," Edward said.

Suddenly Bella got an idea. "If I was dying, you would change me, right?"

Edward had a pained look on his face that told Bella that he would. Slowly, Edward nodded.

"But you're not dying," Edward said.

Bella grinned deviously. "Oh, but I will be." She stood up, a plan formulating in her mind. All she had to do was attempt suicide.

Bella leaned into Edward's face as if she was about to kiss him, but instead, she whispers, "If you love me, tell Alice to watch my future _very_ carefully."

**To Be Continued…**


	2. Taking Control

2.

_Edward,_

_I'm sorry. If you are reading this note, maybe there's still time left. I'm in our meadow…by now you're probably the only one who can save me._

_Love (forever),_

_Bella_

I hid the note in my pocket. I didn't make the decision yet…well, okay, writing the note was a decision, but I consciously made the opposite decision, 'Nah. I can't go through with it. It's too dangerous. I'll throw the note away tomorrow.'

I was glad I didn't have to hide my thoughts from Edward by counting to a million in Chinese or something like that; he couldn't read my mind. He didn't know what I was planning. Or, rather, he did. I bet he didn't think I would actually go through with it…his sweet, innocent Bella committing suicide? Yeah right. 'But it isn't suicide,' Bella thought, 'if you don't really want to die.'

Bella didn't want to die. But dying was better than growing old. Hopefully, Edward (or any of the Cullens, but preferably Edward) got there on time. 'This is too dangerous!' a voice deep inside Bella's head screamed. But dark mysteries swirled in the surface of Bella's conscience. Her revolve strengthened; Bella was not giving up on life; in fact, she was _taking control_ of her life. Edward was going to change her. Bella had the power to **make sure of it.**

Bella hopped into her old red truck and drove to the Cullen mansion. Making sure no one saw her, she was about to tape the note onto Edward's car so he could find it and run off to their meadow to save her, but then a better idea popped into her mind. If she just slashed her wrists _here_ instead of at the meadow, there would be less of a risk: there would be less of a chance that Edward wouldn't get there on time.

Bella grinned, holding onto her shiny silver knife. She trembled, afraid of what she knew she had to do. _'Right now, before you chicken out_,' she told herself. Viciously, Bella jammed the sharp knife into her left wrist. Panting, she slashed her right wrist. She bent down and slashed both of her ankles as well.

There was so much blood. Bella panicked, lying on the floor writhing in pain, drowning in her own blood. Suddenly determined, she mustered up what little strength she had left to crawl to the door. Frightened, she tried to stand up. She knocked on the door and fell to the ground again.

A very much panicked Edward opened the door.

"Bella?" he gasped.

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Never Saw It Coming

**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward…or Bella…or Alice…or any of them…hehe, I don't even want to…I'd rather **_**BE**_** them. And, I don't own the song, "When it Rains"…Paramore does. I also don't own the song "This Love"…the Veronicas do. Well, I'm slightly altering the lyrics to "This Love" (I changed "leave me now" to "change me now"…lol. :DD )**

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**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Oookay? (=;**

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**Ch3**

**EPov **

I was pacing back and forth in my house when Alice told me that she kept getting mixed visions of Bella, but that it wasn't clear. Of course I remembered the words my love whispered the other day, but I knew that she was joking. Bella wouldn't kill herself. She was just too beautiful, too full of life. When she blushes my throat burns and I ignore it and I take in the beauty of her warm chocolate eyes and I know that she must be an angel sent down from the sky I would never reach. She was too beautiful. She was too innocent and happy and I loved her too much and…and I can't live without her. I waited a century for her, and damn it, I can't lose that _now_.

"Alice, please. Did you see anything?!?" I asked, frustrated. I hated this. Earlier this morning I called her, and she assured me that everything was okay…that she loved me, that she couldn't live without me. I assured her I would always be there for her, that I would never stop loving her.

"She keeps changing her mind! I don't know, I just don't know. It's so cloudy!" Alice said, gripping her head with her tiny alabaster hands and sinking down into the violet couch. She stared at her feet and sobbed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry I can't see what's going to happen."

"It's not your fault," I assured her. I couldn't stand seeing my little sister like this, so down, and so empty. This wasn't Alice. Bella's threat…if you could call it that…took almost as much of a toll on Alice as it did as me. I watched amazed as Alice lifted up her head and forced herself to be Alice; forced herself to play her role; forced herself to be cheery and confident. She was always the one who made everyone feel like its okay when it's not, when it can't possibly be okay. She could always see a way out, and she could always see that we had each other.

"She wouldn't do that, Edward. She loves you. She would never hurt you," Alice assured Edward.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, staring at the artwork on the wall and the black grand piano behind me and all of the painful music notes that were swimming in my head and I couldn't take it anymore. My undead heart was on fire, not knowing the truth, not knowing if my Bella was alright, not knowing what would happen in the future.

"Because," Alice said, suddenly Alice again (this time for real), "I may not have seen the immediate future, but I've seen the distant future." Alice paused, standing up. She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "In the end, everything will be alright, Edward. I've seen it," she said. Her words were soothing, but they still didn't help. I knew very well what Alice was talking about; I knew what she had seen a countless number of times, and even though I knew it was pointless to bet against Alice, it still shook my body with dark waves of despair.

When the door rang, I froze. Panicking, assuming the worst, I ran to the door, almost afraid to open the door; almost afraid to look, because if I looked, it would become reality.

I opened the door and was hit with a scent that could be the end of me, and I sunk to the ground and sobbed with my black eyes somehow warm and compassionate staring at the love of my life, dying. I saw the blood-stained knife tossed helplessly on the sidewalk and, as Bella's body was breaking, mine broke also. I took Bella's body in my arm, bridal stile, and softly hummed her lullaby.

"No, no, no, no…" I said. "Don't die, love, don't die…"

"Don't let me die…" Bella whispered, her voice so weak, so fragile, so broken, but so…hopeful, resigned, content.

I carried her to Carlisle's office. He could help her. He could heal her, the medical way. The human way.

"Carlisle! Carlisle!"

He wasn't there. He was at work.

"Don't wait," Alice said, walking up to me. '_If you call him, by the time he comes it will be too late. Bella will be dead,' _her thoughts said.

I panicked. No, No, I can't take my sweet, innocent Bella's soul. I can't damn her to this half-life; turn her into a monster like me. No.

"It's the only way. She's already lost too much blood. Besides, it's what she wants," Alice said. '_It's what you want, deep down,'_ Alice thought.

_And when it rains,_

_On this side of town it touches, everything._

_Just say it again and mean it._

_We don't miss a thing._

Bella looked into my eyes, and, even though she was slowly dying, slowly losing her breath, her sanity, her life, here she was, in my arms, holding on with all of her might. My love was slowly fading. No, quickly fading. And all of a sudden, it was clear to me that I could never live without her; that I would find a way to kill myself. I couldn't take her. I sobbed, hating myself for the fact that I couldn't shed tears; hating myself for not seeing this coming; angry at Alice for not seeing this coming; angry at Alice for accepting a fate that no one deserves for my lovely Bella…did she see it coming and not intervene?

No. Alice wouldn't do that. My beautiful, stubborn Bella somehow blocked Alice from seeing it coming. It felt like someone from up above was tearing my limbs apart, slowly, painfully.

"NOW, Edward, or it will be too late!" Alice shrieked.

Resigned, I bent down and softly kissed my love's neck. "I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. Then I bit down, ignoring the taste of her luscious blood, forcing myself to ignore it; forcing myself to leave my teeth in her paper-thin flesh only long enough for enough venom to save her to drip into her veins. It was hard, no, impossible, but I pulled away, because I couldn't bear to live a life that was Bella-less.

I gently placed my Bella down on the purple couch Alice was sitting down on only moments ago and I stroked her face with my cold hands, ashamed of my bloody lips, ashamed of what I did to her, and ashamed of what I took from her.

_We don't miss a thing._

_You made yourself a bed_

_At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)_

_And convinced yourself that_

_It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore_

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I say, hating myself, cooling her body with my freezing body, knowing what fiery pain my Bella must be in right now. Having experienced it myself, I knew how painful the transformation was; I knew how unbearable it was. I couldn't stand to see my Bella, my love, my life in so much pain. I stood there helpless, holding her hand and whispering soothing words as she writhed in pain, thrashing and trying not to scream but unable to hold in her pain.

_And oh, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_Oh, oh, I need the ending._

_So why can't you stay_

_Just long enough to explain?_

I couldn't move from Bella's side. I called Carlisle to tell him what happened, to tell him the haunting story of my Bella lying on my front steps, barely alive, barely breathing, to tell him that I did the only thing I could do to save her. I told him, and he said he would be right there; that he would drive home and help us. Inject morphine into her bloodstream to ease the pain; although it wouldn't really help much.

**BPov**

He held my bloody body in his arms, contemplating what to do. I could barely breathe, but I knew that everything would be okay. I trusted Edward with my life. I trusted him with anything, and everything. I looked into his black, fearful, compassionate eyes and whispered, "Please don't let me die." My voice staggered. I knew that I was barely holding on. I could vaguely here Alice and Edward talking, deciding what to do.

"NOW, Edward, or it will be too late!" Alice shrieked.

_And when it rains,_

_Will you always find an escape?_

_Just running away,_

_From all of the ones who love you,_

_From everything._

Edward bent down and kissed me on the neck. I knew what was coming. His lips were so cold and yet so warm at the same time; so welcoming. "I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward whispered. Edward bit me. I felt his razor sharp teeth sink into my flesh, and with it came the same burning pain from that time James bit me before Edward sucked the venom out. This time, I would endure it. I tried so hard to ignore the pain; to push it out of my mind. It was mind over matter; could I simply tell my neurons to stop firing? Could I simply tell the pain to stop, by ignoring it, by ignoring these burning flames that were tearing my body apart? YES, I could. I had to, for Edward, for _us_. My instincts told me to writhe and scream but my mind told me that Edward's venom was fixing, repairing my body and making me stronger. My mind reminded me that after these brutal flames, I would have _forever_ with Edward. Well, if he could forgive me for practically forcing him to do this. Then I panicked. What if he didn't? What if he left me?

_You made yourself a bed_

_At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)_

_And you'll sleep 'til May_

_And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore_

He placed me down on the couch, so gently, so caringly. I watched helplessly, trying to ignore the unbearable pain, as he tore himself apart with guilt that he shouldn't have. He should know by now that this is what I wanted……that I don't blame him; that it's completely my fault; my fault for loving him, and my fault for needing him.

I felt a cool presence holding onto my body, helping me pull through these endless flames, and I knew that Edward was by my side, the whole way through, helping me, still there for me.

_And oh, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_And oh, oh, I need the ending._

_So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?_

I was vaguely aware of more people coming into the room. I think I saw Carlisle coming into the room with his medical bag. I don't think Jasper was there because my scent would be too much of a temptation, but I think I saw Emmet. Rosalie was there too, but only because she was always wherever Emmet was.

Carlisle said something along the lines of, "I'm going to give you morphine to help with the pain," but his words were blurry and I was barely there. The pain pulled me under, and I gave into darkness, swirling in poison that was my only hope.

_Take your time._

_Take my time._

When Carlisle injected the morphine, the pained numbed slightly, but it still roared on for the most part. The morphine was helpless to quench this horrible pain, but somehow I forced myself to stop screaming. I didn't want Edward to keep blaming himself; I just wanted him to stop hurting and I knew he was in just as much pain, albeit a different kind of pain, as I was.

This was for him, for us, for forever. I clung to my human memories – my memories of Edward, that day at the meadow lying in his arms.

"_So the lion fell in love with the lamb."_

"_What a stupid lamb."_

"_What a sick masochistic lion." (A/N: disclaimer: I don't own those three lines ____ )_

_Our eyes glued to each other; the trees surrounding us; all of the days that Edward dazzled me; all of the times that Edward caught me when I fell; all of the times he saved me; even prom, me standing on his feet and the two of us dancing outside to music that we didn't hear because the song pulsing in our veins and mine and his (although he was adamant that he didn't have one, I know for sure that he does) soul; the day he left me (I winced, remembering the bitter pain, watching it crash down into my veins, invading my happiness, paralyzing me), the day I retrieved him and we fell in love all over again; all of those little beautiful moments that told me that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward._

_Take these chances to turn it around. (take your time)_

_Take these chances, we'll make it somehow_

_And take these chances to turn it around. (take my...)_

_Just turn it around._

Somehow, I would make it through these three days. Somehow. I knew I could pull it from somewhere within me.

_Oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_Oh, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_Oh, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_Oh, oh I need an ending._

_So why can't you stay_

_Just long enough to explain?_

_You can take your time, take my time._

**APov**

He finally did it; it finally did it. Yes! Now Edward will be happy, and will never have to be alone again. Oooh! I can't wait to take the new Bella shopping! She'll need a whole new wardrobe!

I can't wait for it to be over; I don't want Bella to suffer; I want her pain to end.

*her eyes go blank, having a vision*

'Oooh! She's going to be beautiful! Prettier than Rosalie! I can't wait to take her shopping!'

**EmPov**

I can't wait to be able to arm-wrestle with newborn Bella; although I can't stand to see my little sister in so much pain.

**RPov**

She is so stubborn; she gave away humanity for what, love?! She could have stayed human and had children and a family and everything and more…

**JaspPov**

Yes, finally I'll be able to bond with my little sister without trying to kill her…

**Third Person Omniscient POV**

The days passed slowly; the transformation shook Bella's body and slowly was turning her into something powerful and possibly dangerous. It was the only thing she wanted for so long…to be with Edward, forever and ever in his arms. When he left half a year ago she fell apart, and stubbornly clung to the pieces to her broken heart. Even as the pain ravished her body and paralyzed her, she accepted it. Edward felt guilty. He was drowning in self-loathing and stayed patiently by Bella's side, comforting her with his cool body; with his presence. Alice saw that this was meant to be. She, before everyone else, knew that this would happen in the end, that it was the only way for any of the Cullens to be happy again; for her brother to be happy again.

_I, I,  
I can see it in your eyes  
Taste it in our first kiss  
Stranger in this lonely town (this lonely town)  
Save me from my emptiness (save me)_

Watching Bella suffer, feeling helpless, not being able to do anything to stop the pain, the Cullens suffered with their new family member. There were the problems not far off of the next shore; they would have to fake a car accident…something, anything, and the taste of the inevitability tasted bitter on all of their tongues.

The lion and the lamb fell in love, both torn apart with loneliness and emptiness before, and neither one looking for love. They were meant for each other; they were both the cure to each others' everything. When they were together, they couldn't get enough of each other, and everything was alright, even if only for a moment.

_You took my hand_

_You told me it would be ok_

_I trusted you to hold my heart_

_Now fate is pulling me__all the way__,__ to you_

In Bella's handbag lying helplessly on the ground, her phone rang, but no one answered it. Caught in the moment; trapped in the pain, no one even realized that it was ringing.

_Even if you change me now_

_And it breaks your heart_

_Even if you hate yourself_

_I won't give in_

_I can't give up _

_On this love_

Fiery pain coursed through Bella's body and her heart slowed down. Soon she would be immortal, and she would never have to leave Edward, and Edward could love her the way they had always been meant to love each other. It was meant to be; Alice Cullen had foreseen it, and Bella and Edward lived it through. No pain was great enough to tear them apart. They were in love, but it wasn't _just_ love. It was also family, and hope, and courage. It was everything.

_You've become a piece of me_

_Makes me sick to even think_

_Of mornings waking up alone_

_Searching for you in my sheets_

_Don't fade, away_

Edward held onto Bella's hand. It was only the second day and Edward knew that the pain was only increasing, and he couldn't bear for his only love to be in so much pain. The mind-numbing pain ripped through both Bella and Edward's veins, but it didn't numb their minds, because their hearts were there to still it.

_Even if we're both in pain_

_And it breaks my heart_

_Even if you hate yourself_

_I won't give in (won't give in)_

_I can't give up (can't give up)_

_On this love_

The pain, in fact, was nothing compared to the love.

_I can't just close the door _

_(on this love)_

_I never felt anything like this before_

_(like this love)_

_Tell me the truth no matter what we're going through_

_Will you hold on too 'cause_

_Even you change me now_

_And it breaks your heart_

_Even if you hate yourself_

_I won't give in_

_I can't give up _

_On this love_

_Even if you change me now (change me now)_

_And it breaks your heart_

_Even if you hate yourself (hate yourself)_

_I won't give in (won't give in)_

_I can't give up (can't give up)_

_I won't give in (won't give in)_

_I can't give up (can't give up)_

_On this love_

And then Bella woke up, her eyesight clearer than ever…

She would never give up on this love…

**To Be Continued…**


	4. You had Your Fears, I was Fine

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight saga – SM does. Same goes with the songs I'm using – "Two Worlds Collide" – Demi Lovato owns it.**

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**Ch.4**

**BPOV**

I opened my eyes and what I saw amazed me. Everything was so much clearer. I could make out every detail on the wall, and all of my visionary impulses were sent back to my almond-shaped eyes so sharply, and then I realized I wasn't breathing. I breathe in and think about Romeo and Juliet and how amazing it could have been if _this_ could have happened to Juliet after she committed suicide, and if she could somehow bring Romeo back to life with her undying love. I knew that it wasn't possible, in fiction, but this wasn't fiction, and here I was, emerged in this beautiful melody and I was just so _overwhelmed. _

_She was given the world_

_So much that she couldn't see_

_And she needed someone_

_To show her who she could be_

_And she tried to survive_

_Wearing her heart on her sleeve_

_But I needed you to believe_

I blinked and opened my eyes a second time and was immersed with the beauty of my one and only love, Edward Cullen, hovering over me. My lips curled up into a smile. I sat up in bed and stared, mesmerized – no, dazzled is a better word for it, always, always – by my own personal Greek God.

"How are you?" he asked, warm compassionate eyes peering down at me. But something was off, something that I knew from the start would be off. Edward looked anxious, nervous, almost _angry_ but not the sort of angry any one can ever be used to – it was a protective kind of angry. The kind of angry that back when he left me, I lived for. Riding motorcycles and crashing on purpose just to hear his beautiful, velvet scolding voice. Back then, I didn't care if it was an illusion. My only care in the world was I _needed Edward_ or I would die. I was so empty then, and still a part of me was empty when he denied me forever. I was a barren desert all of the times we argued about whether he would ever change me – he had always said he didn't want to take away my soul, but I always feared that he really just didn't want to have to put up with me for _forever._ Now the deed was done, and I knew what was to come.

"Better than ever," I whispered, perfectly content sitting in this elegant white bed, marveling at the flawless features of Edward Cullen's face.

_You had your dreams, I had mine  
You had your fears, I was fine  
Showed me what I couldn't find  
When two different worlds collide_

"How _**could**_you?!" Edward scolded in that velvety voice of his, but I didn't care because I knew that it wasn't an illusion; because this time, I knew I wasn't **crazy**.

"I thought I had lost you!!" he continued. "You don't know what it was like. Seeing you like that, bleeding to death on my front steps, knowing that _you tried to kill yourself_, knowing that I could never let you die anyways but that even if I did it wouldn't fix anything; it would have been just as bad as me biting you, turning you into a monster like me, because either way you would have lost your soul…"

I interrupted him. There was NO WAY that Edward Cullen didn't have a soul.

"You have a soul, Edward," I said, cutting him off.

Edward shook his head and just stared at me, exasperated. "You don't know how much I love you," he finally spoke. There was a painful, haunting tone to his voice. "I realized that I…_couldn't live without you_. I'm so selfish, Bella. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry, so, so, so sorry," he said, sinking to his knees and holding his head in his arms. His bronze hair hid under his alabaster hands and slowly, gently, I held my hand out to him. When our hands linked, sparks flew all over again.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Edward. I _love_ you. I did this for _us_. I _wanted _this. I can't live without you, either, Edward, don't you understand?" I said, pulling him to his feet as our eyes locked and all of the pain either of us had ever experienced in life collided. I was entranced by his golden eyes. I realized that my eyes must be a shade of disturbing crimson red right now, but at the moment I didn't really care. Sure, I had been afraid before I met Edward, that I would never want to find love, or that, me being a danger magnet and all, that would always be my role, to play the victim or the clumsy girl, but ever since I met Edward life had never been _that_ and I found out that I never was a _danger_ magnet; I was a magnet for the extraordinary, the impossible, and sure there were trials and errors to come. Sure I feared _who _I would be in the scary newborn years…would I be a monster? But it all disappeared when I looked into Edward Cullen's tormented eyes.

I wanted so much to be able to convey to him, somehow, that he has a right to enjoy _this_, the fact that we were no longer the lion and the lamb – this was no longer the impossible. No, this was the inevitable, immortal to immortal caught in the flames of each others' eyes and _this is how it was always meant to be _(Alice saw it; why evade it?)_ and enjoying it is __**not selfish**_. Somehow, with my eyes, could I convey to him that I still had my soul, that _he_ still had his soul? If anything was proof, it was Alice. Perky little Alice, always hoping even when times were bad – if that girl didn't have a soul, then who did? Definitely not Lauren, Mike, or Jessica.

_La id a id a_

_She was scared of it all_

_Watching from far away_

_She was given a role_

_Never knew just when to play_

_And she tried to survive_

_Living a life on her own_

_Always afraid of the throne _

_But you've given me strength to find hope_

He couldn't resist anymore, I could tell.

"Don't scare me again, Bella," Edward said. His lips were so close to mine, and as the wind rushed into the room our lips brushed together, ever so faintly, and then it was too much. Our lips collided into a full-blown kiss. If kissing Edward had been beautiful before, this…this was something else, something so much more passionate and care-free. I was surprised that I actually was able to feel this _lust _and _love_ for Edward when in my newborn years; all I was supposed to be able to think about was never-ending bloodlust. But here I was, kissing Edward, never wanting to stop.

_You had your dreams, I have mine_

_You had your fears, I was fine_

_Showed me what I couldn't find_

_When two different worlds collide_

"Hey!" I heard a perky, squealing voice. "The rest of us want to see her too!" It was Alice. Reluctantly, I let go of Edward and stood up. I walked up to Alice and pulled her into a hug.

"A little…too tight," she said.

Oh yeah. I was a newborn now; I was stronger than _all_ of the Cullens. That felt weird.

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot about that," I said, loosening my grip and then pulling away. Both Alice and I started giggling.

"When do I get to arm wrestle with my little sister?" I heard another voice. Emmet.

I was about to answer, but another not necessarily comfortable sensation entered my body. Or rather, I became aware of it. I was too busy thinking about Edward, and then kissing Edward, to notice it before. My throat burned and it was _extremely _annoying.

_She was scared_

_Unprepared_

_Lost in the dark_

_Falling apart_

_I can survive_

_With you by my side_

_We're gonna be alright_

_(We're gonna be alright)_

_This is what happens when two worlds collide_

"I think I should take her hunting first," Edward said. The rest of the Cullens nodded.

Now that they mentioned it, the burning in my throat escaladed. I brought my hand to my throat and grasped it, shocked at how painful it was. I had expected to feel _something_ that was supposed to be thirst, but this was just so intense.

I turned to Edward, soft fear burning in my eyes – fear of thirst, fear of losing control to a demon that isn't me, even…even fear that I _chose_ this. Don't get me wrong – I don't regret it at all – I am perfectly happy because now not only can I be with the love of my life for an eternity, but now he can kiss me how I want him to without him having to worry about hurting me.

"Are you ready, Bella?" Edward asked.

I nodded my head.

"It shouldn't just be Bella and Edward," Carlisle said, "In case Bella loses control."

"I'll come!" Emmet said.

"Me too!" Alice squealed.

_You had your dreams, I have mine  
You had your fears, I was fine  
Showed me what I couldn't find  
When two different worlds collide  
La di da di da_

It felt weird to be _running_ the way Edward would run _before_ with me on his shoulders. Now, my own two feet were carrying me, and I was traveling (much, now that I think about it) faster than a _**car**_. I took in all of the sharp images around me, utterly amazed at the wiry veins in the too green leaves, the texture of the grass, even the way the white puffy clouds made it looked like I was trapped in a painting and this wasn't _real life_. But I'm not schizophrenic; I'm a vampire. _'This is real life_,' I think, realization finally dawning on me, hitting me full blown. I was overwhelmed before, overwhelmed and excited, but that was nothing compared to _this_. Me, running after a much too delectable scent. I felt like I was watching my body from afar as I jumped – no, pounced – onto the back of a huge creature (some sort of bear, I think), fearless. _Fearless._ Amazing. I broke the grizzly bear's neck and it looked like the bear was struggling against me, but I didn't feel anything. My clothes were torn to shreds but my marble, stone body was unscathed. Wildly, I bit down on the bear's jugular vein. A luscious liquid that tasted better than anything I had ever tasted poured down my throat and partially eased the burning feeling – _blood_, I realized.

I jumped off the bear and watched as it fell down to the ground, dead. I sank to my knees and buried my head in my hands, sense coming back to me. I _**did**_ this. I murdered an innocent creature. Not human, but still something that (used to) have a heartbeat, something that used to breathe and run around carefree and most sadly, something (someone) that might have had a family. Bear or not, I still felt regret. I heard footsteps coming from behind me and I turned around and I saw Edward's angel face.

I forced a smile on my face. "How did I do?" I asked.

Edward grinned his famous shit-eating grin. "Perfect, love," he said, "Although your clothes are a bit of a mess. I don't think Alice will be too happy.

_You had your dreams, I have mine_

_(You had your dreams, I have mine)_

_You had your fears, I was fine_

_Showed me what I couldn't find_

_When two different worlds collide_

_When two different worlds collide_

"I don't think I care," I said in a seductive whisper, suddenly forgetting about the bear I slaughtered. I leaned in and kissed Edward and he kissed me back. The passion was beautiful. We fell onto the grass and kissed like we were the only ones in world. Love for Edward surged through my veins and I put my hands on his body, just happy to be near him. I was cured by his presence; by the feel of his skin colliding with mine and our tongues connecting. Edward's hand on my face just taking in my appearance. I didn't want to move out of this position, Edward on top of me staring at me. I loved it. I fell in love with Edward all over again.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

And then the passion exploded. It was too much, and we were animals and we needed each other, more than ever. There was no turning back. There was no waiting and returning to Edward's room first. This was _now_, under the canopy of the forest, on the ground as if we were the only creatures on the planet. (A/N: I'm not going to write it because I don't know how, but you know what happened :DD)

**To Be Continued…**


	5. What Must We Do to Restore Our Innocence

**Hey!!!!**

**Sorry it took me so long to update. Tomorrow morning I'm driving back to school so I'm writing now in case I don't have a chance until next Saturday.**

**Hope you like this chapter! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my story! I know it's a little AU but I have big plans for this story!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (and I don't want to…I have novels of my own started)…and I don't own the song "We are Broken" by Paramore.**

**Here it goes…**

**5.**

**BPov**

_On my knees, crumpling, blood is everywhere. Lust and love for my love, Edward, is interrupted by such a painful burning screaming deep inside my throat. I can smell it, and I am sure Edward can as well. I cling to Edward's shirt and press my lips to his pale, stony, somehow warm (to me, anyways) cheek. I stay there, frozen, motionless. I do not know how long I stayed there, resisting the urge to jump up and run after that mouthwatering scent. I cling to Edward and tuck the memory of myself inside myself; I tuck my soul inside Edward's body and I hold my breath, staring into Edward's eyes._

"_What is it?" Edward asked._

"_Do you smell it?" I asked. I shiver, despite the fact that I am not cold. Edward smells it too, how can he not?_

_Edward nodded. "Are you alright?"_

_I shook my head, burying my face in Edward's tousled bronze hair. I can't take this any longer. I fight the urge to jump up and let go of Edward, run after whatever this fantasy scent is. I almost do it, too. No one would see me, I reason. Only Edward, and how many times has Jasper screwed up? But then I scold myself for even considering it….for considering taking the life of an innocent human just to ease the burning in my throat that I __**asked**__ for. I don't let go of Edward; I would never._

"_Let's go back," I whisper._

_But we can't go back, not all the way. There is some understanding, some double meaning, in Edward and I, lying on the forest floor tangled up in each other. Fighting temptation is easy when I have Edward. There is no going back, no going back to a place we left, the place I abandoned with all of my heart._

_To the white house. Let's go back to the rest of the Cullens, and let them know my first hunting trip was successful._

_Edward nodded warily. _

"_Let's go back," he echoed._

_Edward stands up. I echo his movement. As soon as my feet touch the jagged grass, my senses explode. There is no avoiding it now. All signs of reason delude me. My mind escapes me, and a stranger's feet takes off, a stampede in the distance, raindrops of blood littering the sky. For dangerous moments I am not aware of what my body is doing. The scent is getting closer and closer now, and then I see it, a mangled body that fell off the cliff. Bloody, very bloody. I am about to pounce, but then I see her eyes, her eyes blue like an ocean, trembling with fear, and I am awakened. My throat is on fire but I ignore it. I turn around, my head down in shame at what I almost did._

_Can she even be saved, now?_

**I am outside  
And I've been waiting for the sun  
With my wide eyes  
I've seen worlds that don't belong  
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize  
Tell me why we live like this**

_Edward is close behind. Soon he is standing beside me. He looks amazed that I haven't attacked the mangled girl yet. Alice must have seen, this, I realize. Too late, she saw it too late. Even though I did not attack, this innocent girl saw me move faster than humanly possible._

"_I didn't," I whisper._

"_I know," Edward says from behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulder._

"_Can we save her?" I ask, my voice threatening to break._

_She would die even if one of us didn't lose control and suck her dry._

_Edward shook his head. I turn around and stare into his glistening golden eyes. I search for tears in my own, in Edward's, but there are none to be found. We cannot shed tears for the innocent._

"_Let her die," Edward whispered. "Save her soul."_

_I was about to argue with Edward. I was tempted to say, 'You have a soul, Edward. __**We**__ have a soul.' But this wasn't a time for arguing. Edward thinks that this isn't a life, that this doesn't count, the way we live. I don't know, standing here, broken in my love's arms. All I know is I wouldn't have asked for anything more; that any sacrifice I could have made is worth standing here in Edward's arms._

**Keep me safe inside**

**Your arms like towers**

**Tower over me**

_Edward's arms hold me, prevent me from moving forward. I am thankful. The burning in my throat is escalading. I do not want to lose control. I don't want to stain my record this early on._

_I look up, my eyes wide open. I see a black-haired boy with green eyes sauntering over. He leans over the broken girl, the girl who either threw herself off a cliff or fell. Which is worse, who knows. Who is this boy, who knows. Her boyfriend, her cousin, or her brother._

"_What happened to her?" he asks, his voice shaking. The boy sees in us what he sees in any other couple. Probably he sees two lovers hiding in the forest, lost in rapacious sex, or something like that. We are so close together, so tangled in each others' bodies, that the boy misses the animal blood stains on our skin. He misses our semi-torn clothes, and our panicked eyes. All he sees is the girl lying on the ground, dying, someone he loved. _

"_We think she fell off the cliff over there," Edward said, his voice cooler than mine would have been. Anyways, no use in letting the boy think she jumped. _

_We left the boy to take care of his love, whoever she was. Edward could read his mind; he could tell that the girl's broken body was in good hands. Edward and I couldn't stay beside her bloody body much longer, or __**both**__ of us would lose control. It's not like Edward is Superman._

**Yeah**

**Cause we are broken**

**What must we do to restore**

**Our innocence**

**And oh, the promise we adored **

**Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole**

_Now we go home. This is all we return to, we return to ourselves and everything we can ever be._

"_I'm proud of you," Edward whispers to me after we are in Edward's room. We just finished telling our family (my new family) what happened, and what didn't happen._

"_Why? I ran after her, whoever she was. I wanted to kill her, Edward…" I speak, my voice shaking._

"_But you didn't, and that's what counts," Edward said._

_I cuddled up in his arms. That is the only thing I can do to reassure myself._

**Lock the doors**

**Cause I like to capture this voice**

**it came to me tonight**

**So everyone will have a choice**

**And under red lights**

**I'll show myself it wasn't forged **

**We're at war**

**We live like this**

_Here in this house, with Edward and the rest of my new family, I am safe. I am safe from myself. As long as Edward is with me, as long as I hear his voice and feel his gentle touch, I will not give into the monster roaring from within me. She wants out, but I refuse to release her. Not now, not ever. Not as long as I have Edward._

"_We have to talk, you know," Edward said._

"_About what?" Bella asked, sitting Indian style on the stained wooded floor in Edward's room. I look into his eyes, mesmerized….dazzled._

"_About you….trying to kill yourself," he said. This time, it was Edward's voice that was shaking._

"_You know I didn't want to die…." I said, my voice no more than a whisper. I didn't trust my voice to any more. I didn't want my voice to betray me._

"_What if I didn't reach you on time, Bella?" Edward scolded. "What you did was dangerous. Not to mention a little crazy…."_

_I looked down. He was right, after all. I just didn't want to give the future a chance to change. I thought that it was the only way._

"_I'm sorry," I whisper. "I really am."_

_For several moments neither of us speaks._

**Keep me safe inside**

**Your arms like towers**

**Tower over me**

"_I know," Edward says._

"_You're not still mad at me, are you?" I ask. I am afraid now. What if he leaves me? What if he thinks I am a monster now, and doesn't want me anymore? What if he didn't want to change me because he only loved me for my human elements – the way I used to blush, the way I used to trip all the time and fall into his strong arms._

"_How can I be?" Edward said, sighing. "You're not the only one who is dazzled, after all."_

"_So you don't hate me like…this?" I asked._

"_How can I? " Edward said, a soft smile tugging on his lips. "You're beautiful. You always have been."_

_He wraps his arms around me and I feel confident once more._

**Cause we are broken**

**What must we do to restore**

**Our innocence**

**And oh, the promise we adored **

**Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole**

"_I love you," I whisper for the one-millionth time. We fall together, and I know this is how it was always meant to be. For a short while, all of the worries slip from my mind. I know what is to come…faking my death….Jacob…Jacob will know, he'll see through whatever we try to make the world see. He'll hate me, and more so than that, the treaty is broken. Jacob will know, and the pack will know. What if they attack?_

_How can I choose one family over the other? I can't, but I already have. And I know I must stick with my decision, but that doesn't mean it isn't difficult._

**Tower over me**

**Tower over me**

**And I'll take the truth at any cost**

**Cause we are broken**

**What must we do to restore**

**Our innocence**

**And oh, the promise we adored **

**Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole**

_But for now, all of that slips my mind. As long as I have Edward, everything will be fine. And it is okay that I delude myself into believing that, for now._

_Who knows what is to come. All I know is, I'm sure it won't be a pretty sight._

**To Be Continued…**

_Thanks for reading!!! Please, speak your mind. Love it? Hate it? Tell me. Remember, inspiration for writers come from their support…i.e. from reviews, in fanfiction's case. I really would like to know your opinion of this._

_Love,_

_~Calliope-Elizabeth_


	6. Welcome To WHATTTTTT?

_Here we are, hand in hand_

_at the end of all things_

_As water turns to wine_

_We drink in such beauty that _

_Sings so venomously _

_What a forlorn cry,_

_He screams_

_Here he is trapped in an ode to memories_

_that can never be again,_

_All must burn, here and now, there, now, calm down, my love_

_You too, will have your turn_

_Watch as your own forbidden love_

_Kindles its own jagged flame._

**6.**

"It will all be alright, Bella, it really will," Alice said. She pranced into the living room and grinned, revealing her pearly white teeth. Today was the day they were staging Bella's car accident. Today was the day Bella was to die, at least according to the world. Her parents – Charlie, Renee – she would never see them again. They were losing their only daughter. Bella knew this beforehand, but she never really thought it through. Not completely. No matter how depressed it made her feel, though, Bella knew that it was worth it – she had Edward, forever.

Nothing could mess that up now. At least, that is what they thought.

"I know, Alice," Bella said. She closed her eyes, trying to visualize her musty old red truck broken beyond repair, its rear stuck in a mud-filled swamp. It was very disconcerting. But it had to be done, or something of the like. It would be very believable – Bella had always been very clumsy.

Earlier that day Bella begged to be the one to get to drive her truck into the lake, but Alice told her that that wouldn't work. Someone might see her slip out of the car unharmed. The plan, all in all, wasn't really the best plan. They would have to crash the car and sneak off into the woods, and somehow make the car burn….otherwise, how to explain the fact that there is no body?

So the Cullens waited until twilight. When the sun finally went down and the humans went to bed for the night, Alice and Jasper ran over to the Swan household and drove Bella's car into a tree near a swamp. They set the car on fire, making sure it was a controlled fire that would not spread.

The next morning, Bella's death made the front page. 'Chief Swan's daughter burnt to a crisp in car accident – reckless driving, or pure clumsiness?' the headline read. 'No body – what a terrible accident! Lucky none of her friends were in the car with her!' a quote from a nameless peer read.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Jacob's POV**

No, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! How could Bella do this to me?! Leave me and go die in a stupid car crash!! Why couldn't she be more careful!!! NO!! She can't be dead!!! NO!! NO!!! Wait, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, there was NO BODY, what the hell, I'M GOING TO KILL THE CULLENS I BET ONE OF THEM BIT HER – ED…_HIM_ – THEY BROKE THE TREATY NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO BREAK THEIR FILTHY LEACH NECKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaah! If this is true then my Bella is a leach now…I can't kill her, even if it's true. Damn it, why did I have to fall in love with a girl who will never love me back?! She said so herself that she planned on being changed; that must be what happened!! As much as I want to be angry at the Cullens, the truth hurts even more – the truth that Bella _chose_ this; that she would give up EVERYTHING just to be with Ed--- that filthy good-for-nothing blood-sucking leach!!!

My anger was too much for me to take; I was rapidly losing control. I ran outside so I wouldn't end up phasing inside the house and destroying Billy's antique furniture. As soon as I was outside, I started phasing, tearing my unimportant clothes to shreds in the process. I was a monster, russet fur and all; I knew I was selfish to want Bella for myself, but did I care? No. All I could think about right now was my bitter hatred for all leaches. I took off running and eventually ended up at the shoreline of first beach. With my wolf eyes I took in the haunting image where the endless waves met the pale blue sky and I cringed. I ran faster, faster than ever before. I ran, ran, ran, and eventually I was far away from Forks, Washington; far away from La Push. I wasn't sure I was even in America. There was snow and ice everywhere, and even in my wolf form, I shivered. Not because I was cold, but because I realized how far I must have run.

So it's true, then, I have decided to run away. I never really decided; it was just a feeling in my wolf-bones…I was screaming inside, so loud, so furious, and the beast needed to escape. '_ANYWHERE BUT HERE! ANYWHERE BUT HERE!'_

Wondering where I was, I ran and ran. I was surrounded by trees and snow, trees and snow. 'Such a peaceful blanket of snow; how fitting for how I felt right now….NOT!' I thought sarcastically. Soon I made it close enough to the edge of the forest. I could see the road. I could feel my anger pulsing, but the pain felt numb now that I was far away. It was a dull sting, aching, tormenting every ounce of my mind and body, but it was bearable. Almost bearable, at least.

With my wolf eyes, I could clearly see the huge white sign on the road. In bold black letters, it said,

"**Welcome to Denali, Alaska."**

**To Be Continued….**

**Sorry for the cliffhanger…..I know this chapter's a bit short but now that I'm back at college I have a lot of work so I figured writing some now was better than making you guys wait until Saturday!!! Right? Well, I hope so!!!**

_Anyways, I'll update again once 10 more people review, okay? It's not that hard; you can do it! And I promise the next chapter will be WAY longer! So please review, guys! Love it? Hate it? Please tell me!_

_Love,_

_~Calliope-Elizabeth_


	7. Frozen by Beauty, Frozen by You

**6**

"Jacob ran away," Billy told Charlie.

Billy and Charlie sat in black chairs at the deck, fishing, staring out at the place where the sky connects with the water. Two men, so alike in so many ways, but so different in the ways that mattered. Charlie's sneakers tapped up and down on the rough wooden surface. Billy's dark blue windbreaker snapped with the wind.

"Why would he run away?" Charlie asked. "Do you want Forks Police to look for him?"

Billy shook his head. "He'll come back on his own. I think he thinks…something that didn't happen happened."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked, now turning to look into Billy's eyes. His own eyes instead fell to the dark circles under Billy's eyes.

Billy sighed. "Nothing. Nothing," Billy said.

Charlie was depressed. He was going insane, and the only thing he could do was cling to the fishing rod as if it was his sanity – he sat there, stiff, waiting for a fish to bite the bait, for hours. Billy did the same. Billy thought Jacob was only guessing. Billy assumed that if Jacob ran away, Jacob must feel hopeless, torn apart inside, everything burned to ashes because he thought that Bella was bitten. 'It's not true,' Billy thought as he did the same as Charlie, sitting in his wheelchair waiting for the fish to bite. Hoping something entirely else hadn't bitten. A heavy, sinking feeling inside told Billy that it had.

Neither of them talked about it. It was the fat elephant lurking in the room, invisible, haunting only their dreams. It was the forbidden subject: Bella. And so they fished, for hours and hours, holding onto the only thing they could.

Billy could only guess what the Pack read into Jacob's sudden departure. He would have to ask them, later.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella sat on the purple couch, clinging to Edward's shoulder. Staring at the black box on the wall, Bella was sobbing tearlessly. No raindrops could cascade down Bella's smooth stone face. The images in the box collided with each other – Bella's red truck, bursting into flames. The news: "Daughter of Chief Swan killed in a car accident."

"Are you alright?" Edward asked her.

Bella sighed, holding onto Edward tighter. She turned around to face Edward, burying her chin in Edward's chest. A cave that would keep Bella warm, safe; a mountain she already climbed successfully; a blanket that would cover her despair, fill her, claim her; an angel that was hers, hers now and forever.

"I will be," Bella said, her head still resting against Edward's chest.

The voice in the television spoke, "Local teen runaway, Jacob Black. His father, Billy Black, told the police not to look into it."

Alice pranced into the room, a small smile on her pixie-like face.

"Bella! You have to go shopping with me!"

"Alice, she's a newborn. I don't know if that's the best idea," Edward warned Alice.

"Fine, fine," Alice said. "At least come up to my room and we can shop online!" Alice said, bouncing up and down. The expression on her face said something like, 'Duh?!?! Who doesn't like shopping?!?!?' The fact that Bella didn't still perplexed Alice.

"Fine," Bella finally said.

"Yay Yay Yay Yay Yay!" Alice said, using hyper vampire speed, of course.

Bella gave Edward a chaste kiss and then followed the hyperactive vampire. Maybe thinking about clothes would take her mind off of everything else. Bella didn't wanted to be reminded about how much she must have hurt Charlie, Renee, her friends at school, and, of course, Jacob. The Pack would know, now especially, Jacob leaving and all. Bella knew what it was like to have a hole in her chest; she imagined that must be something of the sort Jacob felt right now. The thought chilled her to the bones. She didn't want her best friend to be hurting like that.

Nevertheless, if Jacob knew, and told the Pack, the Pack would attack. Bella didn't want to – couldn't – lose everything, not after she had worked so hard for it; finally had it after so many cold, dark, hopeless nights.

Alice interrupted Bella's reverie with a click of the computer. Bella listened to the jingling sound of Alice's pink laptop computer turning on. The computer took forever to start up. Bella lost herself in thought once more, just to be interrupted again by Alice.

"What do you think of this one, Bella?" Alice asked, pointing to an image on the screen.

Bella turned to face the computer. Alice was pointing to a ridiculously expensive pair of silver-gray low-rise jeans.

"Do you like them? Oh, never mind, it doesn't matter, I'm buying them for you anyways. What size are you? O? Okay," Alice said, clicking on the object.

'Add to shopping cart.'

There were already 15 items on the 'shopping cart.'

This was going to be forever. But then again, they had forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jacob couldn't shift back to his human form –he didn't bring any clothes. He didn't really want to go back. He was okay, almost, right here where he was. The hole in his chest kept growing bigger, and whenever he thought of Bella a knife pierced into the hole and ripped more of his heart apart. Alaska was far away from Washington; far enough, at least, that he didn't have to think about the bloodsucking leaches that stole Bella from him. _[A/N: I know, I know, laugh at Jacob's ironic ignorance – he is closer than he thinks to vampires connected to the "bloodsucking leaches that stole Bella from him".]_ Jacob placed one paw in front of the other, not looking back at the heavy footprints he left behind.

Jacob hadn't eaten since he left, and he was starving. As much as he hated raw meat, he would have to eat in his wolf form. Jacob sunk back into the forest and took off in a casual sprint. He pounced on a bear, tackled it to the ground, and ate its flesh. After his belly was filled, Jacob turned around, not wanting to look at the carcass of the bear.

Jacob was the true alpha, which meant that no one in the Pack could command him to return. Yet, he could still hear their thoughts, and they could hear his. Even in Alaska, he was not as far away as he wanted to be. He could ignore the voices, but it would be easier in his human form: then, he wouldn't have to even _hear_ them.

'_Jacob, come back,' Sam thought._

'_No. I don't have to listen to you, Sam,' Jacob thought._

'_Please come back, why did you leave??' Seth thought._

_Jacob didn't bother to control his thoughts; he wanted the Pack to know of Jacob's suspicions. He wanted the Pack to destroy the Cullens. 'Bella didn't die the way everyone thinks, I think,' Jacob thought._

'_You think one of the Cullens….bit Bella?' Sam thought._

'_Yes, that's what I think,' Jacob thought._

Then Jacob tuned out. He didn't want to hear anymore. He did his duty; he had warned his Pack of his suspicions. Now, if they chose to, they could act on it. The treaty was broken; the Pack would attack. Jacob was sure of it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kate wandered from the house her coven lived in. She wasn't quite thirsty yet, but sometimes she liked wandering around in the forest just for the sake of wandering. She was and Tanya were the only ones who hadn't mated, and the only reason Tanya hadn't mated was because she tended to be frivolous, flirting with every man she saw, trying to claim him as her own. Kate took in the beauty of the trees, the dark green leaves and the smell of fresh water gurgling in the distance. She ran at human pace; wanting to take in the beauty, somehow absorb it. She had never loved – never been _in _love, at least, but she knew what it was like to have a shattered heart. The Volturi killed her mother – executioned her, Irina would say – but no matter what law her mother broke, she was still dead. Dead, burnt to ashes, nowhere.

Sometimes Kate wondered where her mother was now. Did she just disappear, become nothing, ashes that evaporated, flew off in the wind? Was there no afterlife for her kind? Kate couldn't imagine someone as kind as her mother in someplace as dark and fiery as hell. No, she belonged in heaven, but Kate could only hope. Kate would never know. Death was worse when it happened with vampires, because Kate could never be reunited with her mother. The electric field that Kate could make on her arms meant nothing. She could shock someone, but she couldn't shock her mother back alive. She had gone where Kate, Irina, and Tanya could never follow.

Kate sprinted to her special, secret place in the forest. She stopped breathing, voluntarily cutting off her senses, falling into a black pit inside herself. Finally, Kate was there. Kate opened her eyes and absorbed the silky, white-silver water fall, the snow covered rocks, the sharp blades of grass hiding over the blanket of white. Thorn covered rose bushes, white rose-buds frozen into place, silent, as silent as winter could ever be.

Kate sat there for what must have been ages. Finally she allowed herself to smile. And she just sat there. Later she would go hunting. Right now she just felt like being alone, frozen by beauty that could never wake up.

**To Be Continued…**


	8. You Can't Fight Forces of Nature

**A/N: I don't know what kind of animals live in the forests of Alaska. If I name an animal that doesn't belong in Alaska, then just pretend that it was! We're talking about food here, not characters….lol.**

**Anyone have any guess on what my plans for Jacob are? Well, this chapter may shed some light, but then again it might not. Either way, though, you can make your guesses by reviewing and may even be able to influence my decisions! It is in your best interests to review! :D**

**Oh yeah, TheCullensareAwesome - "I started thinking about What Bella would be going through and I don't think that even if I found someone that I truly loved, I could ever forsaken my family and become a vampire to be with only one person rather than my family and friends" – don't worry; in the end she won't be forsaking her family. She didn't have to in Breaking Dawn, and it may be harder in the beginning, in my version, but in the end, when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, she won't have to. So don't worry, and I'm glad my story made an impact, anyways.**

**And thank you to everyone who has reviewed!!! :DD**

**Ok, ok, on with the story! Sorry for making you wait so long…**

**8**

**BPov**

"No. No, no, no. It can't be," Alice said.

"What is it, Alice?" Bella spoke. She couldn't help herself – internally, she was trembling. She could sense it, something bad was about to happen. What had Alice seen?

"Please tell me, Alice," Bella said. "Please tell me."

"I saw…it wasn't exactly clear. I saw Edward's mangled body…you going to the Volturi…the Pack, I think…I think they're going to attack…" Alice said, but Bella interrupted, lashing out in hysterics.

"No, No, NOOOO!" Bella screamed at the top of her lungs. She fell off of her chair and collided with the hard tile floor, indubitably making a Bella-shaped dent. She wrapped her arms around her chest and started shaking back and forth. It felt like she was on fire all over again. No, no, no. She dared herself to speak. Her voice was a haunted whisper, trembling. There was something jaded and mysterious about the way Bella held herself, trying to hold herself together. "I can't lose Edward now. No. No. I won't accept it. Not true. Not true. Not true. You're wrong, Alice. No. NO."

Alice put her arms around Bella and Bella sobbed dryly into Alice's chest. "Don't worry, Bella, we'll change it. Some way, somehow, we'll prevent it. Nothing's set in stone, remember," Alice soothed Bella.

"I saw something else, too," Alice said after a moment of silence.

"What is it?" Bella asked, afraid of Alice's response.

"I saw…Kate….attacked…we have to stop it, Bella….we have to go to Alaska. Besides, then we won't be anywhere near the Pack. We'll be safe," Alice said.

Bella had never met the Denali clan, but they already felt like family; like cousins.

Later that day, Alice called a family meeting and told the rest of the Cullens about her two visions. Rosalie, stubborn as she is, tried to deny that their responsibility was to go to Alaska to save Kate, but eventually she conceded on the notion that this would not be a permanent leave.

"You know that we will have to leave Forks soon, Rosalie," Carlisle chided.

"I know, but later rather than sooner…" Rosalie said, her voice trailing off. This was a battle she would not win; the rest of the Cullens were adamant on going to Alaska, at least for the time being.

**Jacob's POV**

His stomach rumbled again. Wolf form it was; he would have to eat in wolf form _again_. Jacob took off in a sprint, forcing himself to stop thinking about Bella. 'She's safe, at least,' he forced himself to think. 'Not the way I'd like her to be, but at least sort of.' He had always wondered if he would feel like Bella was still Bella; he had no way of finding out. He was not masochistic; besides, he would probably end up in a fight. _'Let the Pack deal with it.'_ 'But…BUT…I don't want Sam to injure or kill Bella…' _'She's not Bella anymore, __**get. a. grip.**__'_

He forced the thoughts out of his head. He ran at the speed of light, crashing into an elk and feasting on its flesh. Abandoning the mangled carcass, he sprinted in the opposite directing. Unbeknownst to him, he was not the only one hunting this morning.

**KPov**

Kate sighed, forcing herself to abandon her beautiful, frozen hideout. It had been a while since she had hunted, and as much as she wanted to deny the cravings, deny the _need_…she couldn't. She could have sat there for hours, watching the white water dance down to the stream, freezing midair. It was a glorious, hauntingly peaceful site. A force to be reckoned with, Kate imagined.

Stepping into the forest with a sense of ease and an aura of gracefulness, Kate entered the lush greens of the forest. Soon, she caught the scent of a grizzly bear. It didn't have the greatest scent, but as far as animals went the grizzly bear smelled pretty damn appetizing. Kate sprinted in the direction of the scent, fully in hunting mode. Nothing would get in between her and her prey. She ran silently. Kate was a silent predator; a vampire; she would sneak up on her prey. She would have the bear's blood, in any way, shape, or form.

She was beyond control at this point.

As soon as she was in eye-sight range of her prey, she saw a large wolf with russet-colored fur pounce on her prey. NO. The bear was hers, _hers_, and hers ONLY. She ran faster than ever. The wolf smelled pungent; she pounced on the russet-colored wolf, knocking him off of the bear. Before she was able to have her way with the bear, however, something changed about the air. Kate lifted her face and stared straight into the wolf's wide blue eyes. Kate loosened her grip on the wolf and backed up, shocked at her response, shocked at the way she felt.

Everything shifted. Kate was pulled out of hunting mode. Nothing mattered so much as the wolf with the russet-colored fur. For an inexplicable reason, Kate was drawn to the wolf. Nothing made sense; not anymore. Kate tried backing away, but she couldn't. Had she harmed him? Wait, why did she care….? This is just an _animal_, right? No, not just an animal. Kate sniffed, breathing in the russet-colored wolf's scent, and realized that his scent was off. This was not just any wolf. This was a werewolf, her natural enemy.

Then why did she feel like she wanted to follow him, protect him, and make sure nothing ever happened to him? Forcing herself to dismiss it, she sauntered towards the bear, which, injured by the wolf, had not been able to escape. Kate grinned, feeding time. As soon as Kate pierced her teeth into the bear's neck, however, the wolf pounced on her, throwing her several feet away from the bear. She had barely been able to get one small sip in before the wolf attacked. Something was off; something was very off.

Kate pulled herself up and ran towards the wolf. This was a battle of wit; who would get the last of the bear? There was an aura of determination; determination in the both of them, fighting the forces that pulled both of them towards each other. They would struggle with it, but they would not win. Kate pounced on the wolf, ignoring the nasty scent, shoving him out of the way so she could feast on the bear's blood. The bear was dead. No way could it survive the combined forces of a vampire and a werewolf, one fighting for the bear's blood, one fighting for the bear's flesh. Soon, the bear's blood would be fresh no longer. Kate had to hurry. The burn in her throat was increasing, and her body ached slightly from being thrown off of the bear by the werewolf that, for some inexplicable reason, she was drawn to.

She drained the bear dry, leaving the carcass for the wolf to tear apart.

**Jacob POV**

I had just pounced on a bear when I smelled leach. Vampire. Before I could do anything about it, a sickly sweet figure pounced on me, pulling me off of the bear. I was not prepared for what happened next. As I was struggling in her stone hard grip, she looked up. I stared into her…beautiful golden eyes.

Wait, beautiful?

It happened when my eyes met her eyes. Everything shifted at once. The trees faded into the background. All of my thoughts and worries of Bella faded. The she-vampire let go of her grip and stumbled backwards, staring at me in shock, taking in my presence.

She had the most luscious black-brown hair. It fell to her waist, the waves and curls wrapping around her smooth, lithe body. She had snow white skin, soft lips…

I tried to close my eyes. I tried to get rid of the burning desire. _So this is what it is like to imprint…_

Before my very eyes, the female vampire ran towards the bear and sank her razor-like teeth into the bear's flesh. 'Disturbing, disgusting, revolting,' I thought. Inside my mind a battle of instincts raged on. Half of me urged to kill her; the other half of me urged to kiss her, take her right here and now.

It was a filthy, repulsive act that she was committing, even if it was a bear that I was about to kill anyways. I pounced on her, throwing her several feet in the air. I claimed the bear for my own. Soon she was back, though, and the two of us were in the air, fighting, and then, before my very eyes, the vampire was back at the bear's side, draining it dry.

I was unstable. I cursed at the heavens for fating me to imprint on a filthy bloodsucking leach. She was so beautiful, I could not resist but to follow her…

'No, Jacob', I scolded myself. 'She's a vampire, even if you did imprint, you cannot love her. You just met her, and besides, she's your mortal enemy. Even if she does feel the pull of the imprint as well, it would never work out. She's a vampire, Jacob. She's your mortal enemy.'

But the pull of imprinting was stronger. I followed her. I had no choice. To not follow her would be to put myself in physical pain.

**To Be Continued….**

_So, what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me!! I'm hoping for 10 more reviews before I update. _

_Love,_

_~Calliope-Elizabeth_


	9. IMPORTANT! Please read!

**A/N: I'm going to update tomorrow. Sorry about making you wait so long, besides the huge amount of homework and essays college brings, I started a new story, "Cat Eye" (yes its Twilight) where Bella is a werecat, that I encourage you all to read and review!**

**Anyways, I have to finish reading Oryx and Crake by tomorrow and I have Kajukenbo from 7 – 9 and I have Chinese homework due tomorrow, so I won't be able to update "If I Kill Myself" until tomorrow, but I PROMISE to update "If I Kill Myself" tomorrow! And I'm sorry about this just being an Author Note!!**

**And please read "Cat Eye"; if you love this then you'll love "Cat Eye" also!**

_Love,_

_~Calliope-Elizabeth_


	10. I Won't Let Go Of This Love

**Disclaimer:**** I was in the dining hall and there was a restaurant thingy called "Bella Tratitoria" and I walked up and the waiter person asked me what I wanted, and I said, "Can I have Twilight?" and the person was, "Um, I can't give you a time of day," and I was like, "LMAO!" and thought, 'You're crazy, lady, if you don't know about Twilight,' and I asked, "What do you have, then?" and the crazy lady listed a bunch of boring inedible human food items, and I was like, "Do you have blood?" and she looked at me like I was crazy, and I thought, 'YOU'RE the crazy one,' and when she stuttered, "Wh…wh…what?" I said, "You really don't know about Twilight, do you?" with a shocked expression, and I was like, "Can I have Edward?" and the lady was like, "How do I know? Is he your boyfriend or something?" and I cracked up and was like, "No, he's Bella's soul mate," and she was like, "Why do you want someone else's soul mate?" and I was like, "You see, he thinks he doesn't have a soul…" and she was like, "Stop wasting my time," and I screamed hysterically. I sang, "Twilight is the truth of the world! Twilight is the truth of the world! Let it be known: sparkling vampires are real! Volturi, come force me to either die or be changed so I can be changed! I am revealing the secret, so now I have to be changed! Yay me!"**

**The point of the story: I don't own Twilight, because if I did, everyone would know about it, especially if they worked in a restaurant called "Bella".**

**Ok this didn't really happen, but I fascinated about it happening.**

**Ch.9**

"We have to leave soon if we want to save Kate," Jasper said.

Yesterday, the Cullens had started packing. Honestly, they didn't have to take that much with them. The only necessity was for them to take the items that had the potential to expose them for who they are beneath the mask. They didn't need boxes, although Alice did need ten suitcases to fit her clothes…go figure.

"Alice, did anything change in your vision?" Bella asked.

Alice shook her head. "I haven't checked. Should I?"

"Of course!" Bella said.

"Okay," Alice said. Her eyes went blank as she zoned out. It seemed like she was staring into outerspace, but in reality she was analyzing images of the future that came to her like a video.

When Alice opened her eyes, both Alice and Edward looked confused. "It's blank…." Alice said. The eyes pixie face wandered around the room, her eyes seeming to search for an invisible reason that she would never find.

"I don't understand…" Alice said. There was a slight tinge of despair in Alice's voice. "Does this mean she's dead? Why can't I see Kate?"

"I don't know," Edward said.

Carlisle walked in the room. "Is everybody ready to get in the car?" he asked.

Everybody nodded in unison. Besides the front door was an entourage of suitcases waiting to be piled into the Cullen cars. Within thirty minutes, the Cullens were in their cars and driving towards Alaska.

Bella sat in the front seat next to Edward. It was amazing that Edward didn't get into a car accident – Bella and Edward were staring at each other, trapped in a lure of the others' eyes. They were caught in a maze, or destiny. Bella's choice, Bella reasoned, was just a pawn. Bella was just a piece on the chessboard, but she was meant to be with Edward. How could it be any other way? She was almost sure that they would have ended up here, on the road to the future, even if Bella hadn't pulled her dangerous little stunt.

Bella misses Charlie, of course, and she is afraid the werewolves will kill Edward, or her cousin, Kate, that she doesn't even know, but already cares about so much. Her still, silent heart seemed to have opened up, somehow grew during the transformation, and even when faced with temptation, Bella came out of it a stronger person.

"What's going to happen?" Bella asked. Her voice trembled the slightest bit. Most people wouldn't catch on, but Edward did.

"I don't know," Edward said. "I wish I could tell you that I did, that I knew for certain that everything would turn out alright. I'm not Alice." He said that, knowing that would make Bella laugh, which would make her feel better, if only for a transient moment.

Bella did laugh, and it reminded her why she was here; it reminded her how much she not only loved Edward, but Alice, Jasper, Rosalie (yes, even Rosalie), Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme as well. It reminded her how much she would be devastated…heartbroken, don't mind the pun…if she lost any one of them. If any of them died, she could not follow. Where they would go, even Bella did not know. She hoped that they would go to heaven, if they died, that their sacrifice, their attempt to live like a human instead of a monster, would pay off in the end. In truth, Bella was almost as confused as Edward. She had no way of knowing, and, she didn't care as long as she had Edward.

Suddenly Bella was all the more determined. She would protect Edward, no matter what, because a world without Edward wasn't worth living in.

Their car crossed through the Canadian borderline after about an hour line. Two more hours, at the rate Edward was driving, they would be entering Alaska's borderline.

wvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwv

Jacob, still roaming the Alaskan woods in his wolf form, did not know what to do. On one hand, he thought, 'Vampires were disgusting, evil creatures. I don't believe that they can deny their nature. It's who they are, and they're monsters. I'm a werewolf, and my purpose on the universe, basically, is to destroy vampires.' On the other hand, Jacob would have to be crazy to attempt to ignore the pull of the imprint. Losing Bella had torn Jacob's heart to shreds, and Bella hadn't even been his imprintee. Even if Jacob did know what to do, the problem remained that he didn't have any clothes. If he shifted back to human form, he would be naked, and besides the fact that it would be embarrassing, he did not want to expose himself – to be naked and vulnerable in front of a bunch of vampires didn't sound like a good idea.

Later that day, the she-vampire returned to the woods. Jacob could smell her wandering around. She wasn't moving as fast as Jacob knew vampires could run, so he figured that she wasn't hunting. Jacob had an idea: if the she-vampire was dead, then the pull of the imprint wouldn't be strong enough to drive Jacob crazy. Of course, the pull would vanish if he himself died, but Jacob was not a masochist. **(A/N: I had to put that in, lol! That's the reason Team Edward trumps Team Jacob!)** From time to time, Jacob could act selfless, but he wasn't _stupid_. Although, Jacob wasn't that fond of the idea of becoming something entirely else; surrendering himself to an idea. In all honesty, although the image of the she-leach had eclipsed his mind and heart, he still hadn't quite gotten over Bella, and he didn't think that he ever would. He didn't even know if he wanted to, but he knew that if he remained in Alaska any longer, he wouldn't have a choice.

The powerful feelings that were pulling Jacob towards the she-vampire would take over soon. He wouldn't be able to help himself. He was just a seventeen-year-old kid; he didn't have the best of self-control.

"Hello?" he heard a smooth, sing-song voice. Jacob turned around and saw an angel wearing a yellow dress, dark, wavy black-brown hair wrapping around her lithe body like vines. 'Wait a minute, that's the same vampire I saw earlier today,' Jacob realized. He quickly turned away, ashamed to realize that he had been gawking. He wondered what she saw and if she realized that Jacob was more than just a wolf. What did she see in his russet fur and his bright blue eyes, the eyes that just a few seconds ago were staring into her golden hazel eyes? Were the eyes truly the window to the soul? 'That's bullshit,' Jacob thought. 'You can't tell someone's thoughts, their history, what their afraid of, and what they love, just by leering into their eyes. It's either ludicrous, or everyone has psychic potential. I say its bullshit.' All at the same time, Jacob wondered what it was he saw in her eyes. A glint of something, some intense sadness, mixed with confused passion. Or is that just what Jacob wanted to believe?

"I'm Kate," the she-vampire said in a beautiful voice. Jacob hated himself for thinking these thoughts about a person who must be evil, immoral. He hated himself for feeling this way, but he couldn't push the feelings away, either. Not while Kate was standing in front of him, staring at his fur with those gentle…wait, gentle?....eyes of hers. No. It was impossible.

"I can bring you clothes," Kate suggested. So she did realize what Jacob was. 'If she knows, then why doesn't she hate me? Why don't I hate her?'

Jacob nodded. Other than howling or growling, he had no other way of communicating with the pale goddess…what?....while he was in his wolf form.

"Okay, I'll be back in thirty minutes. An hour, maybe. Then you can shift back and tell me your name," Kate said in a voice that was almost hypnotic.

Time passed. The woods seemed empty and dull, overtaken by the absence of Kate. Kate. Such a beautiful, simple name. It suited her, Jacob realized. 'What if I don't want to ignore this?' Jacob asked himself. It was hard not to hate her. It was hard, because the prejudice he was taught was so powerful. He wanted to try, though. Maybe he could give Kate a chance. If she broke his heart, then it would be easier to ignore the bond of the imprint. Or would it make it harder?

Either way, Billy would probably disown him. Sam might try to kill him. Sam might even try to kill Kate. 'Here in Alaska, no one can touch me. There's no reason I shouldn't try this out,' Jacob rationalized, although there were a multiple of reasons. Jacob knew three things for certain: One, Kate was a vampire. Two, Jacob was a werewolf, and it was built into his nature to kill vampires, and he wasn't entirely sure the instinct would ever completely die down, even if he did embark on a relationship with Kate. Three, even in Alaska, his pack could hear his thoughts, and Jacob would be crazy to attempt to ignore the lust to shift. No one can go more than two weeks without shifting without going insane, at least that's what the legends said.

He wasn't in love. That wasn't what imprinting was, or at least, not quite. No, imprinting was more than love. It meant that a very long time ago, it was written in the books that Jacob and Kate were meant to meet each other; to get to know each other; maybe more….

And Jacob could try to fight fate, but he wasn't sure if he would succeed….

**To Be Continued…**


	11. You Don't Really Know Him Do You?

**To all my readers: thank you so much for taking the time to read. For those of you who reviewed, thank you; I appreciated your comments. Everyone else, PLEASE review….the more reviews I get, the longer and sooner the next chapter will be. It's not something I do purposely, but it almost always ends up happening….it's a psychological thing, I guess. Okay, I'll stop ranting and get on with the story! Enjoy! (=**

**Also: I'm sooooo so soooo sorry for taking so long to update. Really, I think I'm acting like Edward right now.**

**Ch.10 **

Kate stood at the checkout line in Kohl's. In all honesty, she had no clue what size the scarlet wolf wore, but she imagined he must be tall and bulky. Tan American-Indian skin, wide bulging eyes, abrasive muscles chiseled from running for hours on end. Kate imagined a face with sharp edges, marred but beautiful, eyes gleaming with pain beyond his years. When she looked in his eyes – not the first time, no, then, she was barred by her conditioned prejudice towards his species – no, it was the second time….the second time Kate looked into his eyes, she could sense deep pain. At the same time, a flicker of hope shone through his clear blue eyes. Hopefully the gray jeans and large red T-shirt Kate was buying would fit him. If only she knew it wouldn't even matter.

Almost forgetting that she was surrounded by unsuspecting humans - humans who were simply shopping, doing completely normal things without any reason at all – Kate hurried out of the store and ran (almost at vampire speed) to her white Sudan. Traveling at around 100 mph, Kate drove back to her coven's house and, flimsy plastic bag in hand, rushed into the forest, her feet trailing on top of the blades of grass as if they weren't even there.

"I'm back!" Kate called in her musical voice.

The wolf was nowhere to be seen. Kate should have been afraid, but she wasn't. For some unexplainable reason, she let her guard down. She would never make that mistake again. But it was too late. Before Kate could react, a deep growling stirred in the woods and a dark, looming figure leaped at Kate.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bella stepped out of Edward's car and soon enough, she stood by Edward's side, massaging his shoulders although he didn't need it. That wasn't the point, of course. It was a gesture of beautiful, unconditional love. "I love you," Bella whispered, kissing Edward's chin and staring into his soft golden eyes. Edward placed his hand on Bella's cheek and they gazed at each other, not realizing how lucky they were - how many poeple found such an unmarred, unconditional bond, a love that was a combination of brotherly love, romantic, eros-like love, soul-mate, unconditional, all forgiving love....their love was everything and more, something so rare, something so unbreakable, or they would hope so. Bella lefted her chin and, gazing into Edward's eyes, placed her lips on Edward's now-luke-warm lips (they were both vampires now) and kissed him passionately.

"Oh, come on guys, stop, or get a room," Alice said. "The vision isn't changing any time soon. Are we saving Kate or not?"

"Can we?" Edward asked, doubtfully.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett cheered. That was Emmet for you – always excited for a fight. Immature and high spirited all at the same time – it was all just a façade, the childish humor. Emmett had as many college degrees as any other Cullen – he just surrendered to the humor of the beauty in the beast more often than the others. Emmet would be Emmet.

And Alice would be Alice. "I wish we had time to go shopping…" Alice said, sighing, a forlorn gesture sinking down deep under the cloudy sky. White clouds scattered, painting the misty blue sky with dirty shades of gray. "Oh well, there's always tomorrow…"

Then the Cullens knocked on the door of the Denali coven's house. Out stepped a strawberry blond goddess like vampire, gazing at Edward with eyes filled with dangerous lust…….

**To be continued (I promise)….**

**Okay, I'm sorry this was so short, but I have to read a book for my college literature class and study for a Chinese oral exam. I also have two five page papers to write, not due tomorrow, but I should probably start thinking about them.**

**The more reviews I get the sooner I'll write more…fanfiction is my passion (joke, well, half joke, anyways), there's no way I'm giving up on this! But I need inspiration to write; inspiration to procrastinate on junk work that doesn't matter in the long run in my future career as a novelist/vampire (yes, I plan to find vampires….and become one…but not until after I get something published in case the changing goes wrong and I end up dead.)**

**Love,**

**~Calliope-Elizabeth**


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